Of course I wish things could have turned out differently.

Oh no, oh no. Those thoughts are swallowing me whole again. It’s like my head is being sucked into an enormous black hole and it’s impossible to breathe.

Everyone seems to be good at something. And even if they’re not amazing at it, at least they have a passion in something. At least they have something to hold on to and believe in. I’ve tried finding my purpose in studies, in music, in fashion, in writing, in drawing, in dancing, in everything I thought might be possible. But nothing seems to work.

All the heaps of make up in the world, the countless compliments, trying to look good on the outside cannot fill up this emptiness on the inside. It hurts so bad, but I can’t bring myself to fully describe this feeling. Even if I wanted to, I can’t coherently string sentences together to form what I want to say. There’s another thing I’m not good at.

I just want to end it, permanently.